The Infinite
04 Dec, 2024
Have you felt it?
In my mind is a pressure, a feeling like the tide eroding the flimsy sand walls on a beach.
You wake up and do the same things endlessly, the ensuing madness brings a clarity. The loop doesn't give you the insights of a god, just the foresight of one who suffers eternally.
There is a Door and beyond it the infinite. The cracks in the wood leak diluted void into my mind, flooding it with knowledge. It rings in my ears and makes my teeth buzz.
It opens at random, the void obliterating sense and filling the empty space with itself.
Try not to confuse knowing with the expectation of an event. The difference will not be clear, not to you, not yet.
When I left one cycle for another I realised that suffering has more forms than I thought, the quiet, muffled type settles in slowly and surely into your bones, staining them with melancholy.
The oh so loud form is a call to action, a request to be something greater. To get angry. To get shit done.
That temporary madness in the night, A window, frosted and blurred. Knowledge without understanding, It is easier to handle but leaves me wanting more answers.
There are others that feel it, you learn to see it in their eyes, their work, their art.
There are times where I forget this, the infinite leaving my mind soon after arrival but it's mark is seared onto my mind, changing me more and more over time.
For as repetitive as the days may seem you still have to ignore the steady decomposition of your body. There is no reset or restart, only forward.